A relationship coming to an end can be a blessing but at first you don't realize it. You are still dealing with a lot of anger and pain that was caused during it and after it. For me realizing that after a 3 1/2 year relationship comes to an end, you start to wonder what I could do differently that could have saved it, could I have been the problem, and then you come to the conclusion that you are not the problem. I know that all of these things are constantly running through my mind.
For me writing this particular blog is now a way for me to get it all out there and let the healing process begin. I met a particular guy through a friend, the relationship went to fast and in many ways, I knew it, but it just looked so good at the time that he seemed charming, and very honest that for me it seemed like this was the guy that I felt I would spend the rest of my life with.
A friend once told me that there was something that she didn't trust about him, and you know I just ignored her. I think we all do that, not to say we don't love and trust our friends, but sometimes we have our own set of feelings that get in the way and we just do what we think is best no matter what anyone thinks, and now I feel like even though I may have lost a friend out of it, it isn't so bad, because now I can go make peace and regain that friend but it will be a while till I can come to terms and do that, because I am still closing one book and opening another slowly. Instead of driving down the interstate of romance at 65 mph, I am driving at 25 mph, yes its slow but who says you have to drive like a maniac to get with someone.
Beginning everyday sometimes I know for me is a challenge, you are still facing the single life, getting back to the point where your saying, oh I am now planning a vacation, but it will be by yourself. Your friends are asking you to come out, but you don't want to be the third wheel, so you decline. You know you have to tell people in the simplest way, oh by the way I am single, but you don't want to list all the reasons why, because you feel embarrassed and ashamed. So what you do is you throw yourself into work or some crazy project, where you won't have to face it for now, and then eventually you can tell people what happend. So this is where I am and believe me I have more to tell.