So today is Friday, for most the end of the work week, for me the beginning of the work week, LOL! It is something that I have survived in the restaurant industry for so long. I probably started out real honory, but I have mellowed significantly over the years. One of the reasons that I feel that I have mellowed, is that I realized that where else can you make cash money, and without having all of these taxes taken out on the spot. It isn't something that I want to do forever, but it works for now.
As I am beginning to realize what matters most to me after a lengthy conversation with my Mom last night, I know that in order to move on in life you have to forward and not go backwards. It is hard to do, especially when everyone around you knows that you have suffered from something that was so traumatic in many ways. It is always good to know that you are loved and that people are there to offer support, but you still would like to say to these people, I don't think you get the whole picture, I mean you weren't in my shoes for almost 3 1/2 years, and you weren't the one trying to keep it together for someone you believed in. It feels like a fractured fairy tale, you meet prince charming, and he turns out to be an absolute villan in your life. It's like eating the poison apple slowly, until you choke and realize it is after all poisonous.
The other day someone said to me it was a mistake for you to move to NYC, but then I thought about it more and more, and to me it wasn't, because I made really good life long friends out of it, and that to me is something that I can at least take out of it. I could have arranged to stay there somehow, but it just seemed like a good idea to get back with people that I knew I could count on and support, so here I am.
My birthday is in two weeks, my brother's is today, and then I have to get to mine, I really haven't put much thought into it. I mean it's not a milestone, I am only going to be 29, it is the last of the twenties for me. It is the first birthday of freedom of not being in such a bad relationship, and I am much happier and can look forward to what I can do to stand out amongst others who get into their thirties, without no goals or direction. My Mom told me that just think how far ahead you will be when you hit the 30 mark, you will be like Mary Tyler Moore you will make it after all, and you know what I feel that, but for now I will enjoy the last two weeks of being 28, and get geared up for 29, and then totally focus on the 30 mark.